Coping With Grief During the Holidays

Grief has a way of showing up for the Holidays like an unwelcome in-law.  Whether someone you love has recently died, passed away long ago, or is nearing death now, the sorrow and loss you feel is magnified by Holiday perceptions of joy and togetherness.  Perhaps one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself this Holiday season is to allow yourself to grieve.  I don't mean you should find a dark corner to curl up in and wait this season out, but if you are able to recognize, acknowledge, and embrace grief, you'll be better equipped to cope with it.

I was contacted recently by an Episcopalian Reverend who had this to say about grief:

"Real grief stays with you. In fact, not only can one not expect grief to go away completely, we also shouldn't want it to. For as the person you loved is not returned to you, how can you stop grieving? The loss remains, and so does the sorrow. But grief can and does change. We pray not for an end to the grief, but for an unbearable sense of loss to be replaced by a sorrow we can bear."--Frank Logue

Even if you think your loss has become bearable, the Holiday season can swell your sorrow until waves of grief come crashing down on you.  It's absolutely normal and perfectly okay to feel this way.  This year, why don't you try welcoming your grief in for the Holidays - just be sure to set some boundaries so he doesn't kick up his shoes on your coffee table and overstay his welcome.  Some things to remember:

• Allow yourself to feel sad and lonely but don't skip the office Holiday party or the neighborhood potluck.
• Honor old traditions you shared with your loved one but don't neglect to create new ones as well.
• You're not obligated to hang outdoor lights, blow up the 10 foot Santa, or even put up a Christmas Tree but you can make an effort to put up at least one treasured decoration.

Keep in mind that your grief will change over time.  You may never spend another Holiday season without grief as an unwelcome visitor but one year you'll find that you can look him in the eye, shake hands, and move on.

Coping With Grief During the Holidays