I'm sitting in the San Antonio airport right now, on my way to Baltimore where I'll rent a care and drive 2 hours to my parent's home in Virginia. I'm going because my dad needs care. He had emergency surgery last Friday for a twisted bowel and spent a week in the hospital. Because I was 2000+ miles away, I had to be his advocate over the phone with daily (and assuredly annoying) phone calls to his nurses. I'm flying across the country now because he needs more care while he recovers at home.
My father doesn't need palliative care or hospice. He's (hopefully) going to recover without any complications and be back to his normal life within 4 weeks. I, however, still feel the burden of caregiving - and I haven't even arrived yet! I've been sitting here wondering how it must feel for those family members who have to care for parents who are seriously ill; who might never recover fully; who might die. We care because we love, but also because we feel an obligation to do so. Our parents sacrificed years of their lives to raise us. Regardless of whether that childhood was pleasant or torture, we feel the responsibility to return the favor. Sure, we want to do it because we love our parents, but the truth is that obligation often trumps all.
I love my father and I'm looking forward to helping him heal. I've also taken steps to make sure I care for myself. I will take breaks and see friends I haven't seen since college. I rented a car so I will have complete freedom to escape when I feel the need to do so. I will go on daily early morning runs on the path near my parent's home. If I'm rested and relaxed, healthy and strong, I'll be a better caregiver to my dad.
If you are caring for a loved one, you will be a lot more effective if you also care for yourself.
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