How To Write a Eulogy or Deliver a Memorable Memorial Speech

Poet Laureate, Andrew Morton gives a more eloquent definition:

The eulogy is the moment at which the deceased is brought close,
and a time when he or she steps away.
It is at once a greeting and a letting go.

The eulogy includes the life history of the person who has died, details about family, friends, work/career, interests, achievements, stories or memories, favorite poems, songs and quotes.

The steps to write a eulogy and then deliver it are listed below.

Here's How:

1. Recognize the honor
   For many the fear of public speaking makes writing and delivering a eulogy intimidating. Recognizing the honor and the opportunities can help calm these fears and make the speech more doable.

   Remember that a eulogy is an opportunity to celebrate the life of someone who has died. It is also a chance to begin the healing process. Andrew Morton noted,

   "the eulogy will start to heal us too. It will help us get things in perspective, and to understand that we cope with loss not by forgetting whomever has been taken from us, but by finding out how we can best live with our memories of them."

2. Realize your Task
   The eulogy gives the audience the chance to enjoy their loved one's company once again for a few moments. The task for the eulogist is to bring the person back into the minds of those assembled.

   An effective eulogy uses words to paint a picture for the audience. Creating a picture of the person for the audience can be done by reminiscing, sharing anecdotes, telling stories and talking about the many aspects of the person's life--their family, friends, interests and unique qualities.

   A eulogy lets everyone remember the person--who they were, what they did and what they enjoyed about life.

3. Remember and Recall
   One good starting place when writing a eulogy is to remember your own relationship with the person who had died. Some questions that can help in recalling these memories include:

   • How did you meet?
   • If appropriate, when did you become close?
   • Is there a humorous memory of this person that you could share?
   • Is there a touching memory of this person that you could share?
   • What did you most admire about this person?
   • What will you miss the most about this person?
   • What will you remember the most about this person?
   
   Note: For those giving a eulogy for someone they did not know, skip to Step #4.

4. Research
   The next step is to research the details of the person's life. Start by asking the family for the common facts, their recollections and stories. If appropriate, talk to the person's friends, co-workers and colleagues. Many people welcome the chance to reminisce and share memories about a loved ones who has died.

   Desirable information to include in the eulogy research:

   • Person's Age
   • Family - marriage(s), children, parents, pets
   • Work/Career
   • Education
   • Hobbies
   • Places Lived
   • Special events
   • Special accomplishments

   A more detailed list can be found in "What Information Should I Include When I Write a Eulogy?"

5. Organize
   Before getting started read or listen to some of the famous eulogies that have been given for inspiration.

   Your notes may be on index cards, on sheets of paper or in a computer program. Use the system that is most comfortable and familiar for you, then start organizing:

   • A eulogy may be serious or light hearted.
   • Look for common themes in the details that you have uncovered.
   • Look at different ways to arrange the eulogy such as a life story, tribute or theme.
   • Create a rough outline of the speech.
   • Fill in the details from your research.

   More information can be found in "How Can I Organize a Eulogy?"

6. Write

   People speak less formally than they write. Write the way you speak, like a conversation with a good friend.

   Focus the eulogy on the person's life, not on his or her death. Funerals are sad events. Aim to be uplifting and inspiring.

   The typical speech has three parts:

   Beginning: Start with a quote, a story or a statement "I will miss the most about _______ is ________."
   Middle: Makes up most of the eulogy
   End: Final thoughts, favorite reading, memorable ending

   Pick some place in the eulogy and start writing. The part that seems to be the easiest to write about is good. Then see what comes.

7. Review and Revise
   Review the first draft of the speech. Decide what you want to say.

   Read the speech aloud to see how it sounds to you. Try reading the eulogy into a recording device, play it back and see how it would sound. Make any needed changes.

   Get feedback from family and trusted friends. Read the eulogy for them. Revise and edit again based on their suggestions and feedback.

   Try and let the speech sit for a few hours to overnight, then go back and take another look. Make any final changes or revisions.

   Remember in most memorial situations the eulogy should sound as though you are talking to friends.

8. Rehearse
   Practice the speech so you are familiar with it and comfortable delivering it; this will help you to be calmer and more relaxed when giving the eulogy. A good rule of thumb is to practice the speech 4 times beforehand.

   Try recording the eulogy for a final sound check. Read it aloud a final time to a trusted friend or family member for final comments.

   Some people want to memorize the speech; others want to have their notes to reference. Try to be familiar enough with the speech so you don't need to read it. Then again, reading the speech from notes is an option if you become nervous or overwhelmed.

9. Finalize
   Once the speech is finalized, write it neatly or type the speech onto paper; this makes it easier to read or refer to at the service. Having the speech on paper is especially helpful for those not used to speaking in public.

   • Write or print out the text in a large easy to read font (size 14).
   • Number the pages.

   Note: If notecards or index cards are more familiar format for you, copy the speech onto index cards.

   Even if you plan on memorizing the speech having it on paper may be helpful. It is possible that you might forget parts of the eulogy. If you have a copy you can quickly check it and continue.

10. Deliver the Eulogy
    A funeral or memorial service is one of the few times when an audience is sympathetic towards the speaker. Many are very grateful they are not the one delivering the speech.

    Here are some helpful tips for the day you deliver the eulogy:

    • Clothes: Wear comfortable, appropriate clothes.
    • Water: Have a cup of water with you during the speech.
    • Relax. Take your time. People are likely to be sympathetic.
    • Stand still. Be calm.
    • Breathe.
    • Speak slowly. Think about what you are saying.
    • Pause to regain composure if necessary.
    • Have a back up plan in case you are unable to continue. (see Tip # 1 below)

Tips:

1. Since many people fear breaking down when delivering a eulogy, making sure there is a back-up plan can help, if you become overwhelmed and cannot continue.

   One option is to read the eulogy from your notes if you become nervous or overwhelmed.

   Another option is to ask someone beforehand - a friend or a minister - to be available to give the speech if you are unable. Give them a copy of the eulogy and decide on a signal that indicates you need them to step in and continue.

   Often just having a back-up plan in place is enough to calm the nerves and help you make it through giving the speech.

2. Remember that a eulogy is a way of expressing sorrow, but it is also a way of celebrating the life of the person who has died. Try to include memories that celebrate and honor who the person was in life.

   Remember the reason for giving the eulogy. It is a final gift for the person who has died, his or her family, yourself and those present.

3. In general the typical length of a eulogy is between 2 - 10 minutes, usually 3 - 5 minutes, so plan accordingly. Many people find it difficult to listen to one person talking for a long time, even if they are not at a funeral. Ideally a eulogy should only be a few minutes. Aim for 3 - 5 minutes.

4. Print out and bring extra copies.

   You may want to give a copy/copies to the family or friends to keep as a memento.

   Additionally, you may need a copy if someone else needs to deliver the eulogy as part of your back-up plan.

5. Additional Resources:
   Co-operative Funeralcare. Well Chosen Words: How to Write a Eulogy. 31 July 2006. <http://www.co-operativefuneralcare.co.uk/pdfs/eulogyguide.pdf>
   Searl E. 2000. In Memoriam: A Guide to Modern Funeral and Memorial Services. 2nd Edition. Boston, MA: Skinner House Books.
   York S. 2000. Remembering Well: Rituals for Celebrating Life and Mourning Death. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.
   Aurora Casket Company. 2003. Funeral Planning: How to Write a Eulogy. Funeralplan.com 28 July 2006. <http://www.funeralplan.com/funeralplan/about/howtoeulogy.html>

What You Need:

• Personal Memories and Stories
• Others Reminisces and Recollections
• Special Poems, Quotes or Verses
• Paper - for writing the eulogy *or*
• Computer - for writing the eulogy
• Paper or Cards - to print out the speech
• Water - when you give the eulogy or memorial speech