The previous sections have explored various myths and realities about the nature of grief and the timing of grief. In this section the emotions of grief are considered followed by physical symptoms of grief.
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Identifying Myths and Revealing Realities about the Emotions of Grief
Myth: Bereaved people just need to express their feelings and to resolve their grief.
Reality: Grief is manifested physically, emotionally, spiritually, socially and intellectually.
Myth: Grief is just an emotional reaction.
Reality: Grief is a normal response to an abnormal event.
Myth: The intensity of the grief expressed indicates how much you loved a person.
Reality: There are different ways of expressing a person's grief; some do it quietly, some loudly.
Myth: Expressing intense feelings of sorrow, anger, or hopelessness means one is losing control.
Reality: Expressing, talking or writing about intense feelings can be helpful.
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More on the Emotions of Grief
When a person is faced with a loss, crisis or life-changing event he/she is suddenly thrust into a new world that is unfamiliar and at times frightening. It is a world of intense, unsettling at at times conflicting feelings of loss, anger, depression, loneliness, fear, frustration, and desperation.
Dr. Melba Colgrove wrote about the healing of emotional injuries in her book, How to Survive the Loss of a Love:
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When an emotional injury takes place, the body begins a process
as natural as the healing of a physical wound.
Let the process happen.
Trust that nature will do the healing.
Know that the pain will pass, and, when it passes,
You will be stronger, happier, more sensitive and aware.
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Identifying Myths and Revealing Realities about the Physical Symptoms of Grief
Myth: Grief will only affect a person psychologically.
Reality: A grieving person may experience physical manifestations of the loss as part of an acute (or chronic) grief response.
Myth: Physical symptoms e.g. stomach pain, anxiety, or headache, can't be because of grief.
Reality: A grieving person may experience physical manifestations of the loss as part of an acute (or chronic) grief response.
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More on the Physical Symptoms of Grief
Norah Leney's poem "Grief" effectively captures some of these intense emotions and physical symptoms experienced as part of feeling a loss. I have found this poem to be a very effective way of explaining the deep emotional and physical response often felt while grieving. Many people understand "Grief" better after reading or hearing the poem.
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Deep sobs -
That start beneath my heart
and hold my body in a grip that hurts.
The lump that swells inside my throat
brings pain that tries to choke.
Then tears course down my cheeks -
I drop my head in my so empty hands
abandoning myself to deep dark grief
and know that with the passing time
will come relief.
In addition to the intense emotional responses, a grieving person may also experience a variety of physical complaints: fatigue, insomnia, pain, gastrointestinal symptoms, chest pressure, palpitations, stomach pains, backaches, panic attacks, or inreased anxiety. Many of these complaints are potentially serious and require a through evaluation to exclude a serious medical disorders before a diagnosis of grief or traumatic response can be made.
© 2006. Kirsti A. Dyer MD, MS, FT. Licensed for use to About.com
