Memorial services may take place within a day or two of death. More often the ceremony is delayed for the convenience or needs of the family. They include many elements of a funeral: eulogies, music, prayers, readings, poetry or other prose and symbolic elements to honor the life of the deceased.
Here's How:
- Select a Date
Memorial Services or Celebration of Life Ceremonies are often scheduled days to weeks after the death for the convenience or needs of the family. Some may choose to have a Celebration of Life ceremony on the year anniversary of the death. A delayed memorial service can give the family time to plan a beautiful tribute to their loved ones life.
Scheduling the service with a few weeks notice, gives out-of-town family or guests time to take advantage of airline booking discounts.
- Decide on the Guest List
In addition to notifying family members, friends and colleagues also need to be notified. Announcements can be made in a newspaper or radio station. Phone calls may be needed for out-of-town family and friends.
Decisions made about an anticipated number of guests can heavily influence the choice of location or setting, thus, the family may choose to have a small funeral service initially followed by a larger memorial or celebration of life ceremony later.
- Choose the Location
One of the earliest decisions is whether the service will be formal or informal; this affects the choice of location.
A Formal service usually occurs in a church setting. An Informal service opens up more possibilities for different types of locations: private residence, park, lodge, community building or large amphitheater depending on the anticipated number of guests. Other options would be favorite outside locations of the person--a beach, mountain top or golf course.
- Find a Clergy Member, Facilitator, Celebrant or Master of Ceremonies
Members of a church, temple, synagogue or mosque, who plan on holding the service at their place of worship, would have their clergy person officiate the Memorial.
Other choices for leading or facilitating the service could be family members, siblings, parents or friends of the deceased who are comfortable with public speaking. Additionally, professional celebrants can arrange a non-denominational service.
- Ask Family Members and Friends to Speak
Decide how many people you want to speak at the service, then think about who would be good speakers. Choose family members and friends who are comfortable with public speaking to give a tribute or eulogy as a final farewell gift. Ask them to plan on speaking for 2 - 5 minutes.
- Incorporate other Friends, Family Members
For friends and family members who want to participate, but may be uncomfortable with public speaking or too young they can participate in other ways. Incorporate their talents into the service. Have them sing or play an instrument, read a poem, cook for the reception or arrange flowers.
Other ideas include: decorating the area, lighting candles, handing out programs or flowers, helping seat guests, hosting the guest book or helping with food.
- Plan and Organize the Service
In addition to choosing a facilitator and speakers for the service, there are many other choices to be made when planning the service. It helps having one or two people designed as the event planner or organizer to ensure that everything is done.
Being in charge of the service may be beneficial for some, giving them something to do in difficult time; it can be overwhelming for others. Try to pick someone--family, friend or professional--who can get things done.
- Choose the Music, Musicians or Music Delivery System
Music can help to set the mood of the service. Favorite musical numbers can be played as reminders of the deceased. Musical piece at the beginning and the end of the service provides some structure for the event.
Music can be included in many different ways performed by a soloist or a choir, played by a soloist or live musicians or on a CD.
A person should be assigned to coordinate the music for the event.
- Choose the Readings
Start by looking for favorite poems, verses, passages or readings of the deceased. You might also use inspirational letters or writings by the deceased to include in the service as a way of letting their own words speak for them.
In addition, there are book resources, this site and other Internet sites with collections of poems, prose, blessings and prayers appropriate for use in a memorial service.
- Choose Flowers and/or other Decorations
Flowers and plants are a way of decorating the location. Condolence flowers on display are colorful, visual reminders to the family of support from friends and family. Flowers can also be included as a symbolic ritual in part of the ceremony.
Other decorations can be included: candles, fabrics, ribbons and military items - flags, photos, medals.
Potted flowers or plants and decorative candles can be offered to guests as mementos of the service.
- Incorporate Symbolic Elements
Symbolic elements can be incorporated into the ceremony itself...an empty chair, a vase of flowers, releasing butterflies or doves at the end, a candle walk. Gifts of memory tokens, plantable cards or trees can be uses as mementos taken home by guests. What symbolism to include depends on the person, the family and their belief system.
Searl in In Memoriam offers many different lovely and loving ideas for using different symbolic elements into healing rituals.
- Decide on Photographs and/or Other Mementos to Display
Single, several or photo collages of the deceased can be displayed to decorate the service. For a large ceremony, consider projecting photos of the deceased on a screen as a visual tribute. Amusing photos can add a touch of humor and be reminders of good times.
Create a memory table. Invite family and friends to bring photos and other mementos: newspaper clippings, awards, artwork, writing and symbols of his/her favorite hobbies.
- Determine the Food and Refreshments
Sharing food during times of bereavement is an ancient practice that still remains popular. Food and refreshments can range from serving light refreshments to pot-lucks, seated luncheons or elaborate catered dinners. Choose favorite foods of the deceased to incorporate into the food and refreshment part of the ceremony.
Distraught emotions and alcohol are a bad combination. Serve water, punch, tea or coffee instead.
- Find a Way(s) to Share Memories
Encourage to write down a favorite memory beforehand that can be shared at the service. Have an extra copy available for the family.
Consider allowing time for an open mike for the people who are not supposed to speak, but still want to share their remembrances.
- Find a Way(s) to Preserve Memories
Provide a formal guest book(s) for attendees to sign. Having more than one book to sign helps cut down on the time people need to wait in line.
Pass out index cards or printed note cards and have attendees write down their remembrances, "I'll always remember the time when..." or "I wish I'd had the chance to say..." These cards can be stored and shared later to preserve the memories of the loved ones friends from the day of the service.
Tips:
For More Information:
Searl E. 2000. In Memoriam: A Guide to Modern Funeral and Memorial Services. 2nd Edition. Boston, MA: Skinner House Books.
Funeral Consumers Alliance. Planning a Memorial Service. At: http://www.funerals.org/faq/memorial.htm
Morgan E. 2001. Dealing Creatively With Death: A Manual of Death Education and Simple Burial. Hinesburg, VT: Upper Access.
York S. 2000. Remembering Well: Rituals for Celebrating Life and Mourning Death. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.
