Figure out what to do, how to celebrate, if you should celebrate at Christmas after the death of a loved one can be challenging, especially if family members have different ideas as to what should be done.
One way of remembering the person, having them still be a part of the family and the celebrations is to find a special way of honoring that person's memory during the Christmas season.
Finding a way to remember and include your loved one at Christmas can become part of a new tradition.
This list includes some of the best suggestions and recommendations, in no particular order. Let me know if you have others.
1. Hang a special ornament to honor a loved one.
| The ornament you choose may be an old one, one that your loved one particularly liked, or it may be one that is new just for this occasion.
Print, Decorate, Share, Honor and Remember with an Ornament.
Make your own special ornament from many choices.
Hang a seed ornament or wreath for the birds, as extra food during the winter.
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2. Light a candle or a (hospice) tree.
Use an old one or get a new special candle just for this occasion. Light a candle in a church setting or holiday service or participate on line.
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3. Put up a stocking for the loved one.
Let family and friends add notes that can be shared later.Have everyone include small mementos that somehow reminds them of the love one who has died or reminds them of a particular story.
Pick a time that seems right perhaps on Christmas Eve, on Christmas afternoon after presents are opened or another time to sit around, read the notes and letters, share the mementos and favorite and remember your loved one.
4. Include photographs and mementos of your loved one as you decorate.
As you put out the holiday decorations find a special place to put your loved one's photo or have a photo album on display.You may want to include a single rose, a vase of flowers or other mementos to create your own sacred space or altar for the loved one.
- Creating a Sacred Space - From Your Guide to Holistic Healing, Phylameana lila Desy
- Make Your Own Ofenda (Day of the Dead Altar) - From Your Guide to Mexico, Suzanne Barbezat
- Decorate a Butsudan - From Your Guide to Japan, Shizuko Mishima
5. Remember your loved one in song.
Sing the person's favorite Christmas Carols.Listen to his or her favorite music.
Go Christmas Caroling. Many Senior Centers, retirement communities, nursing homes and hospitals have people come in to sing Christmas carols for those who are unable to get out for the holidays.
- Take Teens Caroling For a Cause - From Your Guide to Parenting Teens, Denise Witmer
Attend a holiday choir or church performance with holiday music.
6. Make and serve the person's favorite holiday dish. Set a place for the person.
Serve the dish to family members. Make some extra and take to someone who is homebound or by him or herself for the holidays.Set a place for the person at the table as a reminder of his or her presence.
- Read "The Empty Chair Around The Holiday Table" by Dr. Mel Glazer for more inspiration on using the tradition of including an empty chair to remember a loved one.
Rabbi Glazer also includes other commemorative suggestions for ways of keeping memories of a loved one alive, even after the person has died.
7. Offer a toast or share a blessing at a party or holiday meal.
Use one of our memorial and/or inspirational toasts to remember and honor those who have died and to celebrate those who are still living. Look over some of the traditional toasts and brush up on your toasting etiquette from your Guide to Cocktails, Colleen Graham. Consider using one of the German Farewell or Mourning Toasts. See the bottom. (Provide with Translations)- German Toasts and Good Wishes - From Your Guide to German Language, Hyde Flippo
8. Say a prayer or take a moment to remember at the start of a family meal.
Some Resources for Prayers:- Prayers for All Occasions and Specific Needs – From Your Guide to Christianity, Mary Fairchild
- Holiday Prayers & Blessings - From Your Guide to Judaism, Lisa Katz
Look at the many resources gathered together in the database that forms the World Prayer Project
- World Prayer Project - A Review from Your Death, Dying and Bereavement Guide
Time to Remember
Take a moment, when everyone is gathered--whether at dinner, after the presents are opened and let people share a memory about the loved one.
You could combine this with opening the stocking filled with notes to the one who died.
9. Practice Random Acts of Kindness in memory of your loved one.
The Kindness Project is a way of remembering a loved one and creating a legacy of love in memory of someone who has died, with a random act of kindness.A small Kindness Project card can be left so the recipient knows that the act of kindness was done in memory of someone who has died.
- More on the Kindness Project - From Your Guide
- More on The Kindness Project - From The MISS Foundation Website
The Kindness Project started in 1997 by MISS Foundation founder, Joanne Cacciatore as a way of honoring the memory of her daughter Cheyenne, to create a legacy and a way of sharing the life of her child with others.
10. Donate time and/or money to the loved one's favorite charity or a worthy cause.
Donate time, food and clothing to a favorite charity, homeless or animal shelter or home for abused women. See the following article for more suggestions on how to give to charities without spending money.- Giving to Charities Without Spending Money - From Your Guide to Frugal Living, Pat Veretto
The money that would have been spent on the person's gift can help the person's favorite charity or other worthy causes. These two articles can help in learning how to donate safely.
- Safe Giving Guides – From Your Guide to Nonprofit Charitable Orgs, Joanne Fritz
- Give Without Getting Taken – From PC World Computing Center
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