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Readers Respond: What Did You Experience During the Dying Process of a Loved One?

Responses: 164

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Updated April 07, 2010

what what what

No treatment anymore, sleeps all day and night. When awake, hiccups non-stop, throwing up hands, nails and body white as a ghost and 24/7 acid pushing up even acid and water through the nose. Coughing, struggling to walk and eyelids are red because always tired. What do these symptoms mean how far before the next life?
—Guest mallisan

My Mother

My mother died a year ago in December 2008 of ovarian cancer. We did not realize she was dying until my father was awoke in the middle of the night for no peticular reason and found her at the bottom of the stairs choking on her own fluids. Her lungs had filled with fluid. Before this we knew she was sick but we did not think she was close to death. My father performed CPR and called 911, at the hospital they drained her lungs. They performed a CT scan and learned that her cancer spread to her bones pretty much everywhere. Her doctor told her there was no hope for survival, so my mom declared herself a DNR at went into a hospice. She passed 3 days later. Looking back on the preceding month if we would have known of these signs of death we would have seen this coming. She exerted every one of them. My mother used to love family and being with her family, in the weeks leading up to her death she just wanted to be alone and slept most of the time.
—Guest Sherri

Gone so soon

My grandmother started having shortness of breathe in December2009. She was diagnosed with congestive heart failure and ordered to be on oxygen 24/7. We were prepared for her to have a life style change but not unto death. She was hospitalized 3 times since Dec.due to fluid building up so bad around her lungs. The 3rd time she was admitted was about the 3rd week in January, we prepared for her to move in with my parents but she did not make it out of the hospital. On Jan 15 she was given 1month to 1year to live, just that fast. She went from striving to breathe to on february 2 2010 taking her last breathe. On this day she was very distant, unresponsive, her eyes were opened but they were fixed in one spot. She looked around the room only a few times. She had a breathing pattern that she followed as she journeyed nearer to death until out of nowhere with no warning she took 3 deep breathes with the 3rd being the exhale that declared the end. Here Today Gone Today. Still cant believe it
—MrsD.Benson

My Beautiful Experience

I missed my mom dying June of "06",but later that year I held my brothers hand for the last time(Dec.). I saw beauty,I saw light,I saw a miracle. Was as beautiful as a baby being born. It was spiritual. Luv u mom duane
—Guest Deea

My Beautiful Experience

I missed my mom dying June of "06",but later that year I held my brothers hand for the last time(Dec.). I saw beauty,I saw light,I saw a miracle. Was as beautiful as a baby being born. It was spiritual. Luv u mom duane
—Guest Deea

Death of my Mother

My mother passed away in 1997 of Cancer. After talking with the doctors who told me it may be days or weeks before her death, I and my nephew Matthew, sat with her in her room. I noticed her eye coloring seemed to look as though they were separating. After not sleeping for 2 days straight, I dosed off while holding her hands. Next thing I knew, the nurse was waking me up to tell me she had died. I didn't grasp what she meant until I saw her reach down and close my mother's eyes. I almost had a nervous breakdown after this because we were very close. All I could do was kiss her forehead and tell her how much I loved her.
—Guest Marlene

MY HAPPY MOM

My mom was diagnosed with gall bladder cancer on 2009 of June. When we found out on October 7 2009 that she had no chance to live since she was having commplications with her chemo, we were in shock. I'll never forget the slow motion feeling I got. My mom was told that she was not going to make it in front of me by her doc and all I know that Wed through Sunday were the most horrible days of my life. She was given morphine and most of the time she was asleep. She would move a lot towards the end and she would yell her moms name a lot. All her brothers & sisters and all of us were there, on Sunday Oct. 11 2009 at 6:11 pm when she left us. My mom was holding on 4 days until my dad finally called from Prison to tell my mom that it's okay for her to leave and that he was going to take care of the family where she left off. When she heard that, since phone was put on her ear, she opened her eyes, said yes and stopped breathing. She left with a smile. I miss her.
—Guest Anita Reyes

my mother's death

My mother died when I was 29 from a brain aneurysm. She collapsed and was brought to hospital. She was in a coma the entire time and not communicating verbally or otherwise as far as we could tell. She eventually went into kidney failure as surgery was never done and she was left to die. Other mistakes were made. Her left arm and leg had swelled a bit, her skin was yellow, her eyes were very dark with enormous pupils. This was when she had become brain dead. We were with her this night, they did dialysis and this finally killed her I believe. I cried most of the night. She was in an intensive surgical care unit and we had somewhat limited access to her. I can't remember now what we said to her. We were all in shock. I believe it was a painless death and she may never have been very aware of anything after going into the coma. We later found out that she might have survived if she had had surgery immediately though. And we did talk to her before her death.
—Guest eq

Changes in my dying mother

Mama's skin color had become much lighter and smooth looking. She had not been eating and had been sleeping a lot. The day before she died, she watched TV and read the captions without her glasses. She also had gotten an appetite. The nurses fed her breakfast and said that she ate really well. I fed her dinner and she ate everything on her plate and remarked that "it sure does taste good. The next day she was less responsive, hardly spoke at all. She was discharged from the hospital. Did not speak at all on the way home. When we got home, we helped her into the house and when I asked her if she wanted to go to her bed or the sofa, she said "the sofa." That was the last thing she said to me. As she lay there, she started making some gasping sounds. But I did not realize she was dying. I had to go pick up her new prescription and said aloud, that I really didn't want to leave her. But I decided to go anyhow, kissed her on the forehead and told her I would be back. She died when I left.
—EvelynMoore

I just don't know how long, But its here

I am at this place, 63, surived cancer 2 times, now at a impass, legs and feet so swollen, and now pain meds, I see some strang things when I wake up, Scared once, but has become acceptable, My hands are like fat and the grip is ok, not like the 40s, fingers don't touch the palms, In just a month I can hardly walk, today is good but I can't sleep, hour here and 2 there, Awake from 11 am till 7pm is now the norm, but extreamly tired, whats worst, is a 25 year old son, who has mentel problems, and his mother don't want to deal with it, And thats why we're alone, and he dose not know whats going on! Well its off my chest, And the door is opening, And I've been close to them once befor, This is differen't
—Guest I'am at the gates

On the list I am going through now.....

I am going through most of everything on that list and I feel as if it has been forshadowed to me while I was "living." All my ways of communicating have a part in me of feeling that I have already done the things I am seeing and doing. All my actions have been set for my presence in this body I am in. I am afraid to die now, however I do not know when I will die and how. I just can see that I am in the process and it is killing me mentally. I love everyone that I came into contact with and this is just horrible how we have this sense which will show us how we are going to die.....
—Guest brittni

Not yet gone.

My Mom, who is 98 years old, has shown a lot of the signs you have mentioned in your article, except for one thing, she doesn't stop talking about what she sees. Some days she will not sleep at all and won't eat or drink water. She seems to be in her own world sometimes recognizing us and other times not. She is bed, because she can't walk anymore. There days that seem as if she is leaving, including telling us that she is ready and has done her job with us and thanked us for doing all we have done for. That was on Jan. 9th, 2010 and she is going back and forth. We as her daughters have enjoyed every moment and has help round the clock and we spend as much time as possible every day, too. It has been a wonderful experience.
—Guest Sara Chavarria

It was so hard and I still feel guilty

Over a period of about 3 years, I watched my father lose weight, become incontinent, and be confined to a wheelchair. He had cancer of the blood, and was bedridden for the last 6 months of his life. It hurt so much to watch this strong, smart, proud man deteriorate. The last time he was hospitalized, he went in on Thursday and died two days later. My only sibling was out of the country on business at the time. I couldn't bear to see him looking like a skeleton, with his eyes sunken in. I wasn't strong enough to stay by his bed side. I just couldn't. I know that he understands, but sometimes I still feel guilty. Miss you Dad.
—Guest Toodle lum

Daughter-In-Law

I took care of my Mother-In-Law through her entire dying process with the help from the Angels of Hospice. I learned more about her in those last six days than I did in 40 years. She knew she was in the process of dying (I did not) and wanted to come home and die with family and we brought her home. The first two days she wandered through the house and got in to everything. Needless to say I wanted to scream at her and ask where is my Mother-In-Law but I knew better. The third day she started to moan and went into what I call a twilight coma, she moaned to where I had to go to the basement for breaks. She could not answer me but I always heard the patient could hear me and so I sat down with her and told her about the fun times, how we all made it through the hard and then I spoke to her from my hear heart and alot of old hurts disappeared. I was at her side when she passed, the most amazing thing, she lifted her one arm and embraced someone then she was gone.
—Guest Marcia

The rock of our family

My dad was cancer free in 08 in aug 09 they gave him 3-6 months come feb 10 it'll be 6 months. He's had the symptoms of "death" sleeping no eating or drinking. Im 22 yrs old and take care of my father full time along with my 2 1/2 yr old son. along with my sister. Its really hard and I don't know a way I can tell him goodbye. We lost him in 03 due to a massive heart attack and the chemo from his cancer almost killed him but he stayed with us.. now this time its for real and I don't know how to deal with it. I dont cry in front of him. I don't want him to feel bad for leaving us behind, but I don't know how to tell him goodbye. It's hard. he raised me and my sister when our mother left which not alot of men would do. Since i was 2 yrs old. I love him to death and don't know how to deal. I pray everynight for his soul. I pray that the lord look over him on his journey home. I love you daddy forever and always.
—Guest T Jasutis

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